Recently I’ve taken a change of heart and am transitioning from a working mother to staying at home with my twin girls. With my anxiety feeling at an all time high due to the transition, I have worried myself to death about all the details of this change.
Being a working mom has been great. It challenged me in ways that reminded me how much I loved serving others in my healthcare career. I felt for a long time that I was able to have so many of the things that I wanted – parenting my twins and showing them how strong women in the workplace can make a difference. But, recently I’ve had a void. I’ve missed so many things with them. Weekends and after work seem to be the only time I have to manage my house and that is leaving little time with my family. Then there’s the cost of DAYCARE. Well, it’s absurd for any childcare cost to exceed your mortgage and with two, I basically need to sell a kidney.
Therefore, I’ve prayed for months and discussed it over and over with my husband (trust me, he’s heard all my worries) and have decided to officially stay at home. My heart is very excited and I know this time with them goes by fast. One day I’ll miss it, but I don’t want to miss it while I’m in it. As the time to stepping out of my clinic and back into my household approaches, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t nervous. Am I going to go crazy and feel like I have nothing outside of my house? Will I drive my kids crazy? They’ve done great in a learning environment for a while, but can I do as good of a job teaching them and helping them learn? And FINANCES– is my wallet ready for this budget I’m about to be on?
I’m the type of person that plans. My life is quickly planned out in a perfect little way that fits in my perfect idea of how it should be. And how often I am reminded that it’s never, ever, ever worked the way I wanted it to. Each time I think I had it all planned out, God tossed me for a loop. I know this is going to be great and positive. I know change can be hard and scary. And I know time with my children is so important, just as time for myself is too.
In the words of the great Leslie Knope from one of my favorite shows, PARKS & REC, “In times of stress or moments of transition, sometimes it can feel like the whole world is closing in on you. When that happens, you should close your eyes, take a deep breath, listen to the people who love you when they give you advice, and remember what really matters”.